昨日12岁逆反少年 今日软件业巨头比尔•盖茨

　　作为全球顶级富豪的盖茨曾在12岁那年因为不良行为而被父母带去看心理医生。

　　母亲努力想控制盖茨，而盖茨却抗拒从打扫房间到按时吃饭等一切要求。

　　心理医生当时告诉老盖茨夫妇，他们的儿子最终将赢得“独立战争”的胜利。

　　家长的态度必须有所后退，注意与孩子的“斗争方式”。

　　盖茨父母很快就这么做了，他们放弃了控制盖茨意志的战争。

　　父母又该怎样区别一个捣蛋鬼和一个未来天才呢？

　　孩子桀骜是捣蛋鬼还是天才?

　　Sue Shellenbarger

　　所有曾对家中桀骜不驯的中学生发火的家长都能从比尔?盖茨(Bill Gates)一家的故事中找到一些安慰：作为全球顶级富豪的盖茨曾在12岁那年因为不良行为而被父母带去看心理医生。　　　　

　　这位软件业巨头和包括父亲老盖茨在内的家庭成员在接受《华尔街日报》采访时首次披露了小盖茨成长过程中的许多细节。老盖茨目前任他儿子300亿美元慈善基金会的联席主席。他们给我们展现了上世纪50年代时一个亲密的家庭：玩各种棋盘游戏、纸牌、乒乓球，还有每个周日雷打不动的大餐。盖茨的妈妈玛丽(Mary)是一位活跃的志愿者，并承担了大部分日常的相夫教子工作，对三个孩子制定了严格的行为准则。排在中间的盖茨学习非常勤奋，曾从头到尾读完了一整套大百科全书。　　　　

　　老盖茨说，盖茨11岁的时候显得思维活跃，变得非常好辩，成为了家里日益令人头疼的人物。他和母亲曾吵得火药味十足。母亲努力想控制盖茨，而盖茨却抗拒从打扫房间到按时吃饭等一切要求。盖茨的妹妹说他令人讨厌。甚至盖茨自己都说，他当时表现得“极其不敬，带有狂妄自大的孩子般的粗鲁”。　　　

　　一次晚饭时双方又吵得不可开交，老盖茨罕见地失去了耐心，他将一杯冷水径直泼到了盖茨脸上，结束了这场母子争论。他和妻子对盖茨感到担心，很快带孩子去看了心理医生。盖茨向心理医生说，正在与想控制他的父母爆发战争。心理医生当时告诉老盖茨夫妇，他们的儿子最终将赢得“独立战争”的胜利，他们最好减少对他生活的干涉。　　　

　　心理学家汤普森(Michael Thompson)最近和巴克(Teresa Barker)合著了一本有关抚养孩子的书。他在书中写道，对11到13岁的男孩来说，盖茨一家的经验并不稀奇。随着孩子们努力发展起独立、更为成熟的性格，许多人在这个阶段会逐步沉稳。但如果一个男孩变得完全没有礼貌以及离群，他有可能会出现抑郁和破坏性行为。家长的态度必须有所后退，注意与孩子的“斗争方式”，一方面要坚持让孩子懂得尊重，另一方面要继续帮助他成熟。　　　　

　　盖茨父母很快就这么做了，他们放弃了控制盖茨意志的战争。他们在盖茨13岁的时候就不同寻常地给了他独立，允许他晚上去华盛顿大学用电脑。盖茨曾作为国会听差，在华盛顿特区呆了很长一段时间。他还曾在大四休学从事程序员的工作。　　　　

　　现年83岁的老盖茨出版了一本新书谈论他的人生和哲学，里面谈到了更多有关盖茨一家的事情。　　　

　　读者们，你们是否目睹具有领导天分或创新天赋、意志坚定的孩子在小时候曾让他们的父母格外头疼呢？父母又该怎样区别一个捣蛋鬼和一个未来天才呢？　　　　

　　英文原文：Brat or Budding Genius? Lessons From Bill Gates’ Childhood　　　　

　　Any parent who has ever lost his or her temper with an unruly middle-schooler can take comfort from the story of Bill Gates’ family: The parents of one of the world’s richest men sent him to counseling at age 12 for bad behavior.　　　　

　　In interviews with the Wall Street Journal, the software tycoon and his family members, including his father Bill Gates Sr., now co-chair of his son’s $30-billion philanthropy, for the first time shared many details of raising young Bill. They told of a close 1950s-era family that played board games, cards and ping-pong together, and stuck to routines, such as regular Sunday family dinners. Bill’s mother Mary, described as an active volunteer who did most of the day-to-day parenting, imposed strict behavior standards on her three kids. Young Bill, the middle child, was a diligent learner, reading a whole set of encyclopedias.　　　　

　　At age 11, the senior Mr. Gates says, young Bill seemed to fast-forward intellectually and became very argumentative and an increasing headache for his family. He had explosive arguments with his mother. As she struggled to control him, Bill rebelled over everything from cleaning his room to getting to dinner on time. He ’was nasty,’ his sister says. Even Bill says he behaved with ’utter, total sarcastic, smart-ass kid rudeness.’　　　　

　　In a rare blast of temper over dinner one night, the elder Mr. Gates reacted to a bitter mother-son argument by pitching a glass of cold water in young Bill’s face. His worried parents quickly took Bill to a counselor; Bill told the therapist he was ’at war with my parents over who is in control.’ The counselor advised his parents to ease up a bit, telling them that young Bill would ultimately win the battle for independence.　　　　

　　The Gates’ experience isn’t unusual with boys ages 11 to 13, says psychologist Michael Thompson in a recent book with co-author Teresa Barker on raising boys. Many withdraw at this stage as they strive to develop an independent, more adult identity. But if a boy becomes truly disrespectful and disconnected, he’s at risk for depression or destructive behavior. Parents must step back a bit and start picking their battles ─ insisting on respect while still helping him move toward manhood.　　　　

　　The Gates quickly did that, backing off the battle of wills. They afforded Bill an independence unusual for a 13-year-old, allowing him to take off at night to use the computers at the University of Washington. He spent a lot of time away from home, living in Washington, D.C., as a congressional page; he took a break from school his senior year to work as a programmer.　　　　

　　More information from the Gates family is due out today, in a new book by the senior Mr. Gates, who is 83, about his life and principles.　　　　

　　Readers, have you seen strong-willed kids with leadership or creative abilities cause their parents particular problems when they’re young? How can a parent tell the difference between a brat and a budding genius?　　　　

　　　　Sue Shellenbarger

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